Bursting Brains

Bless me reader, for my patience has thinned, it's been 5 months since my last profession. These are my chagrins:

Over the past five months, I actually really wanted to and even once needed to write something down because, of course, I would never have gotten away with it if I ever said it out loud. At times, I have gotten so angry I had to just block everything out as much as I could. Whether it was popping in headphones and blasting the music, or closing my eyes and not say a word. I am so glad that I was able to control my actions (not making contact) then I start to think what could I have done? I'm pretty sure I'll never pull one of those Hercules rages (his were extremely severe and eventually caused him to slaughter his wife and kids) but still, what happens when feelings start to overflow?

Thank God for words. I always have a lot to say, the only thing is, I don't exactly know how to say it, when it's appropriate, and sometimes it gets to the point where I have no idea what to say. Partly because it depends on who I say it to.

I often think that if someone could tap into my brain and just pull out all the thoughts, they would know exactly what I meant all the time and it would just be so much easier! Then i start thinking if I could make it possible and then my imagination takes over. Thats probably the best thing that goes on in my head. Imagination. But you know what I hate? When I start making a song, with a brilliant melody and such clever lyrics, it's never convenient to write it down and so it gets lost in the back of my mind forever until something elicits it. (elicit: to draw out)

Oh my flaws!

I am sorry for my chagrins

In losing my patience

and failing to win

I have sinned against you

and still in search

of words to produce.

I firmly intend,

with the help of any friends

to make up for these things

and to love as I should.

(and make) Amends.

Not exactly what I had in mind but i guess it'll do. Back to school once again and disliking already. dear high school, will you just hurry up please?

A Break to Breathe

Well it has been a while since I've "had time" to write. Why, you ask, well that is for numerous reasons. The first and main reason would be the Spring Play. My average homework load takes a long time to finish but with the play, I couldn't get home 'til about eight at some times so I had long days filled with many things to do. Secondly, like I just said, my homework, which takes a lot of time. But back to the play...it was wonderfully hilarious! I had an awesome time and will never forget it. Now that it's over, I am extremely sad especially since it was the last play for some people (that I love so sooooo much!) I will miss them terribly. In fact, it seems that plays are one of the causes of certain emotional distress yet at the same time, they manage to release my tension.

Now aside form the play, the third quarter of school has just ended. I must say, that was extremely quick! That means there's only one more quarter left and that also means the AP exam is coming up way tooo fast. My whole class is anxious and no one thinks they're ready - not a good sign.

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Well i just had my feet washed and did some adoration for the end of the day. *breathe* ahh that feels nice. What a long day and I'm just about ready for another one. Watch out, here I come.

"*The day is done the winter sun,

is setting in its sullen sky...*"

But now it's spring let's have some fun,

and feel so free, let go and fly.

Now I can breathe, relax, and rest,

Without a worry, without care.

NO more quizzes, no more tests,

for a week, extremely rare.

Life is good and rather great.

Bring on the love, forget the hate.

-Josanna Reese

*quoted from Emily Bronte's At Castlewood*

Progressing Past Problems

Why her, why me?

Why did this have to be?

What went wrong?

Was it the song?

Was it the right one?

Has she really won?

Is the battle done?

Should I be stunned?

Why'd it happen like this?

Should it be dismissed?

Why her? Why me?

Why did this have to be?

-"Josanna Reese"

Bad news and good news. Before when I mentioned i made it into my classes, I forgot to mention one of the ones I really wanted to get into: Chamber Singer! This is my school's more advanced choral ensemble and I had to audition for it. Today, the choir teacher posted up the list of everyone who made it in and my name was right there on the list! Unfortunately, one of my closer friends didn't and I was sad with her because the class wouldn't be as fun. ='[ This was disappointing and on top of that another girl who didn't even meet the prerequisite of having at least one year in the school choir got in! It was rather unfair and now I am upset, sad, and angry but still happy/relieved. I'm still not totally happy about that list though and I won't be for a while...at least I've got tonight to look forward to...

What a Day.

Can't really think straight.

In a confused state.

Head full of thoughts,

so much and lots.

Just take it all in,

You know you won't win.

Trust filled with doubt,

Need to drown it all out.

Use music and song,

But you can't sing along.

Maybe there's hope,

I'll probably cope.

But still wish to be,

allowed to fly free.

-"Josanna Reese"

On the brighter side...I do feel accomplished now that I have been accepted into all the Honors/AP classes i was hoping to get into. I also feel proud that I organized the plan for the rest of my high school career. I thought I would write more today and for a while I really needed it to just let it go but now that I'm over it (for the most part) I can't remember what I was going to say. But today seemed like lots of things piled on top of each other and it just kept getting bigger with all the stacks of paper and not until now did the A/C turn on and blow a couple of the papers away from the stack. Well that was my day, not exactly what I expected but like Forrest Gump said, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."

Concentration with Anticipation

This week so far has been pretty chill with the homework load and all...this is rather surprising because I oddly have been feeling relaxed even though I am busy. Now that I have this to do (although optional) I think it relieves me a bit of whatever's going on. This busy-ness requires much concentration but almost always comes along with distractions. That's why I go to the library to do my homework. Home is reserved for sleeping and doing whatever, but not doing work. So for a while now, I have been anticipating the results of acceptance into Honors and AP classes. After I turned in the applications and did all the required tests, I was relieved and it wasn't until last Friday when I started anxiously waiting for the results. I think that's the worst part...waiting... The thing about this, was on the announcements, they said we would find out by today at break. Unfortunately, they made a mistake and now I have to wait until Thursday to find out. Two more days of anticipation along with continual concentration on my work and some distractions (like this) on the side. Cheers to a crazy rest of the week!

First things first?

So...I just made my first blog...what next? Well, I've always wanted to do this but now that I am doing it, I'm not quiet sure what to say exactly. This is my first post...ever...and I am now rambling about, well, nothing much really. Let's talk about how I feel right now! I am excited that I'm starting something new that haven't done before and this is like taking a small step (that actually seems really big to me.) What would Judy do? Well, for starters, I made my first blog! I still have no idea if I'm doing this right but whatever works right? So, I don't really know how long this thing is supposed to be but hey! This is my blog and I get to say whatever I want...but its kind of hard when you don't have much to say...at the moment...anywho, I think its just about time to wrap things up. I think that whole first blog thing could have been better but it is what it is and it is what I just made it. So cheers to anyone and everyone who reads this!

Yours truly,

Judy