Purpose? Possible? Plunge.

Musical Theatre Major? yeah right. I can sing and I can act but I can't dance. I love to sing, I love to act, and I love to dance. But dancing's always been a challenge, a challenge I look forward to, but a challenge nonetheless. If I withdraw, that's a waste of $70 and that's quite a lot for an application. I am now almost completely discouraged by those audition requirements. My goal: become a teacher. elementary school teacher. My dream: Perform on stage, singing, and acting, and dancing and teaching others the beauty of performing. I have no idea if that is really possible. Partly cause I'm Asian but that is only one setback. I don't have dancing shoes and I don't know what dancing attire is! How did I ever think I could do this? I am at a loss of what to do. I just want to run away and hide.

Endless Emptiness

How can such an entertaining day, filled with laughter and fun just die once I step into my home. My house. I am no longer connected to this place. All I see; all I feel is far away. This room is not my room, this chair is not my chair. Not even this desktop is mine. All I have are my thoughts, my words. This might not even be my body because honestly, it feels too empty. This is not my house. Not my home. Home. Stream of consciousness. Too bad I don't have the skill of translating thoughts into words. Privacy does not exist, for I only have two things that are truly mine. Those two things are the only things I can keep because no one can understand either of them. Thoughts. Words. Emotionless yet filled with emotion. Without feeling yet burdened with many feelings. Empty but filled. With holes.

If left alone, I can let it out. If interrupted, everything is just suppressed and suppression always occurs too soon. I'm lost in the past and the present and the future. Where am I? Who am I? Why am I? I'm lost.